1) Our release schedule is screwed up, but no worries. Since we are all back from trips and etc. we are back on track (though I’m sure nobody noticed >>; ).
2) We now has email! Oh mai gawd! :D This can be used for suggestions, FAQ, etc… and I’m sorry…I type like a crazy tard sometimes…I was typing our email really fast and didn’t bother to look at what I typed so enjoy our fucked up email…: I.d.t.g.a.reviws@gmail.com
Yup…I spelled reviews wrong ‘cause of my terrible fast typing skillz *beats hands to a bloody pulp* anyway…I will attempt to fix this in the future >>;
3) I’m hungry.
Now let’s FINALLY start this review!
WARNING: THIS REVIEW IS ABOUT AN INCREDIBLY SEXEH GAME. IT HAS INCREDIBLY SEXEH PEOPLE IN IT. IT’S GOING TO BE…HOT. JUST THOUGHT I’D WARN YOU. I LIKE CAPS. LOCK. A LOT.
NOW LETS HURRY AND START THIS DELICIOUS PIECE OF A HUNKY VIDEO GAME!
IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE REVIEWS PRESENTS………………
WARNING: THIS REVIEW IS ABOUT AN INCREDIBLY SEXEH GAME. IT HAS INCREDIBLY SEXEH PEOPLE IN IT. IT’S GOING TO BE…HOT. JUST THOUGHT I’D WARN YOU. I LIKE CAPS. LOCK. A LOT.
NOW LETS HURRY AND START THIS DELICIOUS PIECE OF A HUNKY VIDEO GAME!
IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE REVIEWS PRESENTS………………
ASSassins Creed <333333333333
Yes. I said ASSassins Creed. Since It’s 3 AM and I’m lazy I will call it AC. Even though ASSassins Creed is a hotter name. Anyway… (I’m so sorry it’s in the AM’s and I just drank 3 cups of coffee ‘cause I was really thirsty. And now it kinda feels like I’m on speed. Is that bad? I also have some incense burning so I feel like a hippie hehehehe Okay now I’m just rambling…)
*Ahem*
…
Story
September 2012. A regular bartender named Desmond Miles is kidnapped by the pharmaceutical company, Abstergo. Desmond is being used as their 17th subject in a machine called the Animus. The Animus is a device that taps into Desmond’s genetic memory (left behind in his ancestor‘s DNA). This allows the people in and out of the Animus to read memories of Desmond’s ancestors. The people inside of the Animus experience a type of “virtual reality” as in: he gets to go through what his ancestor went through. The man working the machine, Dr. Warren Vidic, wants to tap into the memories of a certain ancestor. His name is Altair ibn La-Ahad. What’s s special about our dear (sexy) Altair? Well he is the best trained ASSassin (besides their leader). Desmond doesn’t like this idea all that much thus, he had trouble adjusting to the machine. This made it unable for Dr. Warren to go back exactly as far as he wanted, but it would do. So basically from there you follow through Altair’s POV (at times it’ll jump out to Desmond in “reality” for an extended time in the Animus…would…suck…(basically your mind goes all loopy and you feel like rice pudding). So what is Abstergo planning to do with this information!? Play the damn game to find out ‘cause I’m not telling you anymore :<
*Ahem*
…
Story
September 2012. A regular bartender named Desmond Miles is kidnapped by the pharmaceutical company, Abstergo. Desmond is being used as their 17th subject in a machine called the Animus. The Animus is a device that taps into Desmond’s genetic memory (left behind in his ancestor‘s DNA). This allows the people in and out of the Animus to read memories of Desmond’s ancestors. The people inside of the Animus experience a type of “virtual reality” as in: he gets to go through what his ancestor went through. The man working the machine, Dr. Warren Vidic, wants to tap into the memories of a certain ancestor. His name is Altair ibn La-Ahad. What’s s special about our dear (sexy) Altair? Well he is the best trained ASSassin (besides their leader). Desmond doesn’t like this idea all that much thus, he had trouble adjusting to the machine. This made it unable for Dr. Warren to go back exactly as far as he wanted, but it would do. So basically from there you follow through Altair’s POV (at times it’ll jump out to Desmond in “reality” for an extended time in the Animus…would…suck…(basically your mind goes all loopy and you feel like rice pudding). So what is Abstergo planning to do with this information!? Play the damn game to find out ‘cause I’m not telling you anymore :<
Gameplay
Hehehe fun part. AC is a plat former game. As in you climb things incase you didn’t get that… >>; *coughs* Yes now ur goal as and ASSassin is to kill people correct? Yeah do that. But don’t go around slaughtering a bunch of randoms. That’s mean. And against one of the 3 ASSassin’s tenants! Stay your blade from the flesh of an innocent. Yus. Anyways, you will be given a target to go out and kill. Now it’s isn’t always easy. This is no hack ‘n slash. You’re an ASSassin. ALWAYS BE DESCREET (heh another tenant). So your goal is to get as close to your target as possible without him or any other bystanders noticing you then is your time to strike. If you are caught by the guards they will try to catch you. You can stay and fight or run like hell. Here’s the problem. The combat system utterly fails. It’s hard to fight unless if you block the whole time - then when they strike you press a button (I forget what once since it’s been awhile since I’ve played) then Altair will perform this cool move where he cuts the guy up a bit. I utterly hate fighting in the game, but running away is tedious. You must sprint through people and sometimes if there are too many people you fall down and look dumb. Sexy - but stupid. And at times Altair is a tard and climbs on the wrong thing, or he gets stuck and can’t continue to climb up something. Oh and if you’re up high the guards will throw rocks at you and knock you down. And yes if you haven’t noticed it’s annoying as fuck. They usually miss so it’s no biggie. Basically you have to get out of the guard’s perif. (shown by a colored circle in your mini map) and find a place to hide like a pile of hay, on a bench with people on it, or a rooftop hut…thing. You will also get other missions around town. They aren’t necessary, but it’s good to do. For example there are helpless people being tormented by guards. You can just go on in and ASSassinate them right away. Another thing worth mentioning is that you will have a map for every place you visit. The map will only show a small amount at first, but you can uncover more of it by finding “leap of faith” areas. They are large towers with an eagle circling it (don’t worry there is a map marker and shows you all the leap of faith areas so you don’t have to look). When you find one, climb to the tippy top and you press Y (or triangle depending on what system you have in this case I have an xbox so I’ll just follow those button terms. PS3 players will get the jist) Altair will look around you uncover more of your map. Then you jump! :D it’s okay. Somehow magical hay protects you completely. And yes you may jizz from Altair’s jump. It’s hot. Mmmmmm. Well basically the platforming of the game is kinda mean to you sometimes, but they really fixed it up in AC2.
Difficulty
I never really paid attention. I never thought the game was all that tricky, but there are those frustrating points where the mission may take a few times. Once again nothing much to cover here. Just depends on what kind of mission your doing and how many enemies you have to take on (if you take on any)
Conclusion
AC is a game. It of course has flaws, but I think the flaws of the game were easy to over come and rise against it. AC is definitely a game to put in your library, or hey don’t wanna spend the money? Borrow it! ASSassins Creed is as you can tell an incredibly sexy game. I assure you will jizz.
Okay in all seriousness - it’s a fun game and can really keep a person occupied, so go out! Show your inner Assassin my dear viewers!
Extra
One more thing I forgot. For the ladies >:3
I will be under construction of a fanfic. Mhmm obby. Be excited! Basically it wont make sense, but hell ik you won’t care!
Altair and Ezio are living together in some weird hotel or something (yes. I know that is 2000% impossible!) and it’ll just be about them living together. So some hot stuff goin’ down. If you want me to send you it (when I start) just tell me in the comments :3
Or I mean if ur a guy you can ask for it…but that if ur into that stuff…
*coughs*
Well anyway I must be off to go assassina--- I MEAN PET POOR LOST KITTENS! *fake grin* heh heh heh…heh…
o and remeber! It's Dangerous To Go Alone! xoxo <3
Hehehe fun part. AC is a plat former game. As in you climb things incase you didn’t get that… >>; *coughs* Yes now ur goal as and ASSassin is to kill people correct? Yeah do that. But don’t go around slaughtering a bunch of randoms. That’s mean. And against one of the 3 ASSassin’s tenants! Stay your blade from the flesh of an innocent. Yus. Anyways, you will be given a target to go out and kill. Now it’s isn’t always easy. This is no hack ‘n slash. You’re an ASSassin. ALWAYS BE DESCREET (heh another tenant). So your goal is to get as close to your target as possible without him or any other bystanders noticing you then is your time to strike. If you are caught by the guards they will try to catch you. You can stay and fight or run like hell. Here’s the problem. The combat system utterly fails. It’s hard to fight unless if you block the whole time - then when they strike you press a button (I forget what once since it’s been awhile since I’ve played) then Altair will perform this cool move where he cuts the guy up a bit. I utterly hate fighting in the game, but running away is tedious. You must sprint through people and sometimes if there are too many people you fall down and look dumb. Sexy - but stupid. And at times Altair is a tard and climbs on the wrong thing, or he gets stuck and can’t continue to climb up something. Oh and if you’re up high the guards will throw rocks at you and knock you down. And yes if you haven’t noticed it’s annoying as fuck. They usually miss so it’s no biggie. Basically you have to get out of the guard’s perif. (shown by a colored circle in your mini map) and find a place to hide like a pile of hay, on a bench with people on it, or a rooftop hut…thing. You will also get other missions around town. They aren’t necessary, but it’s good to do. For example there are helpless people being tormented by guards. You can just go on in and ASSassinate them right away. Another thing worth mentioning is that you will have a map for every place you visit. The map will only show a small amount at first, but you can uncover more of it by finding “leap of faith” areas. They are large towers with an eagle circling it (don’t worry there is a map marker and shows you all the leap of faith areas so you don’t have to look). When you find one, climb to the tippy top and you press Y (or triangle depending on what system you have in this case I have an xbox so I’ll just follow those button terms. PS3 players will get the jist) Altair will look around you uncover more of your map. Then you jump! :D it’s okay. Somehow magical hay protects you completely. And yes you may jizz from Altair’s jump. It’s hot. Mmmmmm. Well basically the platforming of the game is kinda mean to you sometimes, but they really fixed it up in AC2.
Graphics and Sound
Meh. Pretty good. You know me. I don’t really give. When you view the area on a leap of faith point it’s pretty breath taking, but after awhile it kinda gets old :/ oh well. What do you expect? Sound? Once again - I don’t give. It’s just kinda…sound. Nothing special. No awesome music (that I remember. Hey it’s been awhile). Uhh there are some majorly glitchly graphics at some points, but I’m assuming (and hoping) you guys aren’t graphics freaks. Nothing special about this section at all. Time to go on.
Difficulty
I never really paid attention. I never thought the game was all that tricky, but there are those frustrating points where the mission may take a few times. Once again nothing much to cover here. Just depends on what kind of mission your doing and how many enemies you have to take on (if you take on any)
Conclusion
AC is a game. It of course has flaws, but I think the flaws of the game were easy to over come and rise against it. AC is definitely a game to put in your library, or hey don’t wanna spend the money? Borrow it! ASSassins Creed is as you can tell an incredibly sexy game. I assure you will jizz.
Okay in all seriousness - it’s a fun game and can really keep a person occupied, so go out! Show your inner Assassin my dear viewers!
Extra
One more thing I forgot. For the ladies >:3
I will be under construction of a fanfic. Mhmm obby. Be excited! Basically it wont make sense, but hell ik you won’t care!
Altair and Ezio are living together in some weird hotel or something (yes. I know that is 2000% impossible!) and it’ll just be about them living together. So some hot stuff goin’ down. If you want me to send you it (when I start) just tell me in the comments :3
Or I mean if ur a guy you can ask for it…but that if ur into that stuff…
*coughs*
Well anyway I must be off to go assassina--- I MEAN PET POOR LOST KITTENS! *fake grin* heh heh heh…heh…
o and remeber! It's Dangerous To Go Alone! xoxo <3
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