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Monday, August 9, 2010

LordCynical - It's Dangerous to Go Alone reviews... Pokémon Snap! (Retro)

I was planning on reviewing Dragon Quest 9 for the DS this week, but I’m not done with it yet, and I have NO IDEA how far in it I am. So it will have to wait. So this week you get a retro review……. Pokémon Snap for the Nintendo 64


Wiki History(Yes, this will be a section every time I do a review!)
Pokémon Snap was developed by Hal Laboratory, best known for the Kirby series, the Mother Series (Earthbound), and the Super Smash Bros. series. Pokémon Snap was released on the Nintendo 64 on June 20th 1999 in North America and later released on the Wii’s Virtual Console on December 10th 2007. It was the first game released for the VC that was changed. It was changed so that you could send pics to the wii message board. It was the first Pokemon game released for the N64 and the first 3D pokemon game.

Story
You are Todd Snap, a generic forgettable minor character from the pkmn anime who appeared in a handful of episodes, a photographer. You are called by old forgetful man (Seriously, he forgets his grandsons name!), AKA Prof. Oak, to take pics of pkmn for the old man, and I doubt
he’s paying you anything.

Graphics
The graphics, for the time, were actually pretty good.

Game Play
The game is an on rail photography simulator…….where you take pics of pkmn. So as a kid, you can bet I was pissed about not being able to battle in 3D, I’d have to wait for Pokemon Stadium. Oh well, as a die-hard pokemon fan at the time (if It had pokemon on it, I’d like it!) I ate it up. Regardless, it was an interesting idea. You ride in a “vehicle” through each level
taking pics of pkmn as you go.
Each level is liner with no deviating paths for you to take, although you can “steer” (point) your vehicle in a direction. At the end of each course you can submit up to 1 pic of each pkmn you took in that run of the course to Prof Oak for him to grade. It’s all about getting the best scores on pics (and getting the coolest pic!). Since this game came out before Gold and Silver it has 151 pkmn in it……wait it only has 63 pkmn in it!? BULL CRAP! That’s barely 1/3rd of the mon at the time! I can understand not having them all in it, but at least have over 100! If it involves pkmn, GOT TO CATCH THEM ALL!, comes to mind. How can I catch them all on film if they aren’t all there. Well at least some of my fav gen 1 pkmn made it. (Charmander family, Squirlte, Magikarp Family, Porygon(OMG!? The seizers!), and Dragonite)

In total there are 6 normal courses, and a 7th that just has mew (which is unlocked after oak asks you to take pics of all 6 pkmn signs). You can take up to 60 pics per level, so it gives you plenty of pics to experiment and take lots of pics of pkmn to try to get that sweet shot. As you go through the game you’ll get new items/gear to use to help you. You’ll get apples (OF DOOM!), pester balls (pepper gas bombs, throw them at everything >:D ), a poke flute, and Dash Engine to go through a course faster(Or as I call it, OMG WHY WASN’T I GIVEN THIS SOONER!?(You normally move slowly)). Use there to make new mon show up (like a scyther from a patch of grass), to wake up mon(WAKE UP SNORLAX!), to make them evolve(knock a charmelon into lava, it evolves. Who would have guessed?), or to KILL THEM!?(Apple + Electrode = DEAD PKMN!?)

Replay value
This game is short. REAL SHORT! I beat it in about an hour for this review (That’s all 63 pkmn!). Yeah, I’ve beaten it many times(10-15 times), and know how to get pics of all 63 mon in the game, know where all 6 signs are (and how to make them appear/active/become visible). But it’s really short. When I was a kid, I rented it once, and then got the game. I then went on to beat the game in less than 24 hours after purchase (not all mon, but I had most of them). But I go back and replay the entire game about every other year, probably for nostalgia.


Final Verdict
This game is an interesting game. But it’s not a normal pkmn game, and was not the 3D pokemon game fans wanted at the time. Its 1000 points ($10) on the Wii’s Virtual console, which isn’t a lot of money and yet the same time a lot for a downloadable game. If you a die-hard pokemon fan, it’s worth a download. For those who want a photography sim, here you go. For those who want a game to last and have LOTS of replay value, you probably want to pass and spend your points on a different game. Personally? I like this game, maybe it’s the nostalgia speaking, but it’s surprisingly addicting to take pics of mon for high scores. But I feel $10 is too much for this game as a down loadable. Try to find the game on the N64 cheaper if you can. (Try ebay/amazon to get the game cheaper)

I’m off to take pics of monsters, and remember,
It's Dangerous to Go Alone!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

SubBoss - It's Dangerous To Go Alone Reviews... inFamous!

And after much turmoil and confusion, we finally return to our regularly scheduled programming. Huzzah! We do maybe have an actual schedule around here!

Superheroes: The icons of our culture. The powerful men and women who go around doing good deeds and helping others (or blowing shit up for the hell of it, see Iron Man). We're entertained by them. We go to see their movies. We
cosplay as them. We make creepy fanfiction porn about them. (Eww.) But what is the ultimate realization of this adoration of superheroes? The chance to be one yourself. To slip on your form-fitting costume and wield extraordinary powers in whatever way you see fit. Surprisingly, however, very few video games have tackled this concept with great zeal, with superhero games usualy ending up as half-baked movie tie-ins created just to suck a little more money out of the Hollywood nipple. Where's the game that truly gives you the chance to step into the shoes of a true super? Well, last year, this idea was finally realized. Did it work? Did it truly make you a superhero failing the chance that you would hit yourself with gamma radiation? Is there porn of this as well? Two of these questions will be answered as
It's Dangerous To Go Alone takes on.. inFamous! (The third is something I really don't wanna know.)


Story
inFamous stars a courier living in the large (entirely not related to New York) Empire City by the name of Cole MacGrath. (No, he is not in any way Irish. Go figure.) One day, Cole recieves a special request delivery order- he has to deliver a mysterious package to a specific location, and then open it. Simple enough, right? That doesn't sound suspicious at all! Cole complies, and promptly gets hit directly in the face by an absolutely massive explosion. When our friend Cole comes to, he discovers that the explosion has done two things- 1. Leveled several blocks of Empire City, killed thousands of people, and caused seismic tremors across the entire city that have caused massive destruction, and 2. Turned Cole into a walking battery with electricity-based superpowers. I'd say the latter makes up for the former, wouldn't you? Well, apparently the government disagrees, and the folks in Washington order a quaratine of the entire city as the situation worsens, with food and medical supplies running low. Formerly docile street gangs assume power in the devestated city and overrun all the districts with their influence and fear tactics. Cole and his best friend Zeke are trying to survive and get by in the new Empire City, but Cole's new superpowers sweep him into a conflict that will test his powers to the limit as he fights to restore order in his city. The story starts out grounded in realism, but about halfway through starts going batshit crazy, throwing wild and awesome things into the mix that I won't spoil for you here. The game is presented in a cool-looking graphic novel style, with important cutscenes presented as comic book-style interludes. These cutscenes are fresh and inventive, paying homage to the superheroes it takes nods from and creating a cool visual effect. The characters are interesting and hold your attention, and overall the story is pretty good, with plenty of twists and turns that will keep you looking. Sure, it's no Bioshock, not by a long shot, but it still holds its own.

Gameplay
inFamous is a sandbox style game, similar in nature to games like Grand Theft Auto or Saints' Row. You have a big, open world to play in, which you can just randomly run around in and mess with stuff for as long as you want. Story missions and side missions appear on the map, with the former needed to progress through the story and the latter used to gain shiny extra stuff. So far, same old, right? Well, here's where inFamous takes Grand Theft Auto and punts its sorry, scrawny behind out the nearest window- EFFING SUPERPOWERS. Because of the blast, Cole has become a walking generator- he can drain electricity from his surroundings and use it for his own ends. He can shoot blasts of lightning out of his fingertips, grind on power lines, create electric grenades and explosives, smash into the ground and cause a giant electrical explosion, drain the bioelectricity out of people, glide around on alternating currents of electricity, and much, much more. inFamous gives you so many tools and powers to play with that likely your first play will consist of you running gleefuly around the city, shocking and blowing up random things to test your powers and jumping across buildings, cars, and whatever else gets in your way. Then you'll find some of the aforementioned street gangs (the first gang is known as the Reapers) and start frying them with your electricty as they shoot at you. Rifles? Guns? HAH! I have no need of these things! inFamous very successfully achieves the key element of a great superhero game- EMPOWERMENT. You will feel like a total badass, growing even more formidable in badassery with each new power. Even before his powers, though, Cole was a formidable customer. He is highly skilled in melee combat and is very adept at climbing buildings and urban structures. This proficiency, combined with the strengths of Cole's powers, allows you to shimmy up the tallest buildings in a matter of seconds. From there, you can run across the rooftops like electro Batman, gaze upon the puny city below, or simply jump from the highest point you can to smash some poor pedestrian into the dirt below you. However, Cole's jumping prowess comes with one major flaw- Cole has a very intense fetish for ledges. (His dates must be interesting.) Cole's jumping is designed to guide you from one ledge to the next, with Cole gravitating to and sticking to the nearest ledge in order to climb a building as fast as possible. This effect, while helpful, can prove annoying. When you're trying to make a perfect, precise leap to reach the shiny collectable on the pipe overhead, Cole will sometimes flip around it to grab onto the nearby ledge, ask it the time and whether it comes here often, then start making advances to it. Cole's ledge-love aside, however, the platforming is solid at its core, and it is helped when you get more advanced powers, which are unlocked throughout the game. At its heart, inFamous is a third-person action game with some neat platforming tricks tossed in, and it handles this balance like a pro, with intense combat and incredibly awesome and suprisingly varied superpowers.

Sandbox
Of course, a sandbox game is ruined if it doesn't have a big and fun sandbox to mess around in, and
inFamous is happy to oblige all of your sandy needs. Empire City is massive, with three distinct districts, each with a different style of building, challenges, and enemies. The city has a lot of territory to explore, but you can get where you need to go quite quickly by means of rooftop running, grinding on wires or train tracks, or simply hitching a ride on the top of a moving train and letting it take you away. The city also feels alive, with many people, vehicles, and enemies, all interacting and creating a changing environment that's yours to play with. And play with it you can. Do you want to be the dashing superhero who saves the pedestrians from being mugged by a vicious street gang, or the kind gentleman helping the people with their issues and becoming adored and loved because of it? You can! Do you want to be a vigilante, dispensing violent justice across the rooftops and bringing order with might? You can! Or, do you want to just be the asshole that runs down the street, launches three people into the air, followed by their cars, blows up the other parked and moving cars, throws random grenades down the middle of the street, then pins an enemy or citizen to the road or railroad tracks? You can do that, too! inFamous allows you domination over the city, and you, as the awesome super that you are, are free to do with it as you will. True, it's not the only dicking around simulator on the block, and if you simply just want to mess with things all day, Prototype is next door. But inFamous has a massive sandbox that is more tightly designed than most, and its missions are excellent and, more importantly, valued. The story missions are epic and intense, but the side missions also feel worth doing as well, as they allow you to take over portions of the city and add them to your growing domain. Once a part of the city is yours, order is established and crime goes down, lessing the enemies and improving conditions. All of these things put together create a sandbox of epic proportions that has something for everyone and can draw you in for hours.

Graphics
This game was the first game to run on my
HD-equipped PS3, so at first I was in awe of the wide-open HD cityscape with its wonderful HD people living HD lives and driving HD cars sweating HD sweat... You get the idea. Then I saw games like God of War 3 that really pushed the PS3, and suddenly inFamous didn't look quite as pretty any more. inFamous is still a damn-good-looking game, with lots of cool effects and visuals, but its the kind of damn good that is just expected from the PS3. Being a Wii owner, I'm easily impressed, but graphics snobs will probably find their turn-ons elsewhere. It looks very nice and pretty, but it doesn't really push the envelope in ways that other games have.

Difficulty
inFamous is a game that does not mess around with its difficulty. Sure, you start out being able to fry every enemy that comes your way with little-to-no problem, but soon those guys wise up to your tricks. They gang up on you, snipe at you from a distance (and they're damn good shots sometimes, too), and generally up the ante. Once you move on to the second and third areas, the enemies start taking more and more shots of lightning, and they can keep getting up when you repeatedly shoot them down. The third gang in particular has certain troops that still got up and came after me after I blew them off a low rooftop and shot them in the chest with lightning. Makes you wonder how much these guys must be getting paid. An odd exception to this high difficulty level is the bosses. inFamous's bosses are epic and awesome setpieces that will have you saying "whoa" and "crikey," but they all actually tend to be easier than some of the basic enemy encounters. Huh. inFamous starts out simple enough for you to get the basics, but then launches you into a challenging thrill ride.

Moral Choice System
Ahh, my old foe. We meet again, here, on the battlefield. I could go on for hours about my views on moral choice systems in games, but I'll spare you the boring agony. The short version: Moral choice systems just don't work. They usually simply present the player with two completely opposite options, with one being Mr. Loves-all-of-God's-wonderful-creatures-and-gives-them-kisses, and the other being Mr. Asshole-who-kicks-puppies-and-eats-babies-raw. Game code simply doesn't allow for any of the ambiguity or middle ground that would make such a choice interesting. inFamous contains a moral choice system that pretty much sums up all them major flaws of these things. At certain points in the game, you're presented with a choice, where you can do one of two, and ONLY two, options. Example- the first choice involves you freeing a crate of airdropped medical supplies. Do you sit back and allow the people to take their food and share the bounty, or do you fry a couple of people and take all the food for you and Zeke? Every choice has only two possible options (one good, one evil) that are clearly spelled out for you, with no sense of actual decision involved. Why, you asked? Because of the other part of the moral choice system- the upgrade tree. Certain powers change and gain new abilities depending on whether you've been more good or more evil. However, you can only recieve the best powers and upgrades if you're ALL the way good (a Hero) or ALL the way evil (inFamous). Thus, you only really ever make one choice- the choice of whether you want to be Cole MacFriendly or Cole MacAsshole before you even start the game. Players will usually just pick all good or all evil, regardless of what the choices actually are, simply because you can become the most powerful that way. Also, some of the choices feel cartoonish and forced. The game tries hard to cast all of the "evil" decisions as realistic choices that are more selfish and lazy than outright evil, but a couple slipped through. Case in point- a side mission in which a pedestrian asks you to disarm a bomb strapped to a building. Suddenly, a choice appears- do you go disarm the bomb, or just walk away and let it blow up? I just stared dumbly at the screen. What possible benefit would Cole get for letting the bomb blow up? It's just being a dick for the sake of being a dick! Granted, it's kinda funny that some side missions give you the choice of either doing the mission or frying the person who gave you the mission and taking their stuff, but that's not enought to make up for this poor system. It's not entirely inFamous's fault, though, as moral choice systems in games are inherently flawed at this point.

Conclusion
Despite my gripes with the moral choice system,
inFamous is overall a stellar title. It combines the best parts of a sandbox game (freedom, empowerment, messing with stuff, missions) with a well-designed structure (tight story, interesting characters, missions are excellent, real sense of accomplishment) that ties all that sand together quite nicely. It offers something for everyone, but never ends up spreading itself too thin. But it truly nails the most important aspect of a great superhero game- empowerment. Stepping into Cole's shoes is a truly realized superhero experience that allows you to wield Cole's immense powers as you see fit and grow and cultivate them over time until you are the most powerful being in Empire City. This game truly nails the superhero experience, and I strongly recommend it to anyone who has even the smallest inclination to the sandbox genre. Heck, it's only $30 at most now, so what are you waiting for? (Sorry 360 owners, this is a PS3 exclusive. Hah.) I am currently inclined to call inFamous the greatest superhero game ever made.

Well, I'm off to assume my secret identity and fight crime. In spandex. Remember, It's Dangerous To Go Alone!
lone!

CupcakeCarnage - It's Dangerous To Go Alone Reviews...ASSASSINS CREED!

Guess who’s back from Michigan and badder than ever >:3 heeheehee o yeah! Who else!? ME! <3>
1) Our release schedule is screwed up, but no worries. Since we are all back from trips and etc. we are back on track (though I’m sure nobody noticed >>; ).

2) We now has email! Oh mai gawd! :D This can be used for suggestions, FAQ, etc… and I’m sorry…I type like a crazy tard sometimes…I was typing our email really fast and didn’t bother to look at what I typed so enjoy our fucked up email…: I.d.t.g.a.reviws@gmail.com

Yup…I spelled reviews wrong ‘cause of my terrible fast typing skillz *beats hands to a bloody pulp* anyway…I will attempt to fix this in the future >>;

3) I’m hungry.

Now let’s FINALLY start this review!




WARNING: THIS REVIEW IS ABOUT AN INCREDIBLY SEXEH GAME. IT HAS INCREDIBLY SEXEH PEOPLE IN IT. IT’S GOING TO BE…HOT. JUST THOUGHT I’D WARN YOU. I LIKE CAPS. LOCK. A LOT.


NOW LETS HURRY AND START THIS DELICIOUS PIECE OF A HUNKY VIDEO GAME!
IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE REVIEWS PRESENTS………………

ASSassins Creed <333333333333


Yes. I said ASSassins Creed. Since It’s 3 AM and I’m lazy I will call it AC. Even though ASSassins Creed is a hotter name. Anyway… (I’m so sorry it’s in the AM’s and I just drank 3 cups of coffee ‘cause I was really thirsty. And now it kinda feels like I’m on speed. Is that bad? I also have some incense burning so I feel like a hippie hehehehe Okay now I’m just rambling…)

*Ahem*




Story
September 2012. A regular bartender named Desmond Miles is kidnapped by the pharmaceutical company, Abstergo. Desmond is being used as their 17th subject in a machine called the
Animus.
The Animus is a device that taps into Desmond’s genetic memory (left behind in his ancestor‘s DNA). This allows the people in and out of the Animus to read memories of Desmond’s ancestors. The people inside of the Animus experience a type of “virtual reality” as in: he gets to go through what his ancestor went through. The man working the machine, Dr. Warren Vidic, wants to tap into the memories of a certain ancestor. His name is Altair ibn La-Ahad. What’s s special about our dear (sexy) Altair? Well he is the best trained ASSassin (besides their leader). Desmond doesn’t like this idea all that much thus, he had trouble adjusting to the machine. This made it unable for Dr. Warren to go back exactly as far as he wanted, but it would do. So basically from there you follow through Altair’s POV (at times it’ll jump out to Desmond in “reality” for an extended time in the Animus…would…suck…(basically your mind goes all loopy and you feel like rice pudding). So what is Abstergo planning to do with this information!? Play the damn game to find out ‘cause I’m not telling you anymore :<

Gameplay
Hehehe fun part. AC is a plat former game. As in you climb things incase you didn’t get that… >>; *coughs* Yes now ur goal as and ASSassin is to kill people correct? Yeah do that. But don’t go around slaughtering a bunch of randoms. That’s mean. And against one of the 3 ASSassin’s tenants! Stay your blade from the flesh of an innocent. Yus. Anyways, you will be given a target to go out and kill. Now it’s isn’t always easy. This is no hack ‘n slash. You’re an ASSassin. ALWAYS BE DESCREET (heh another tenant). So your goal is to get as close to your target as possible without him or any other bystanders noticing you then is your time to strike. If you are caught by the guards they will try to catch you. You can stay and fight or run like hell. Here’s the problem. The combat system utterly fails. It’s hard to fight unless if you block the whole time - then when they strike you press a button (I forget what once since it’s been awhile since I’ve played) then Altair will perform this cool move where he cuts the guy up a bit. I utterly hate fighting in the game, but running away is tedious. You must sprint through people and sometimes if there are too many people you fall down and look dumb. Sexy - but stupid. And at times Altair is a tard and climbs on the wrong thing, or he gets stuck and can’t continue to climb up something. Oh and if you’re up high the guards will throw rocks at you and knock you down. And yes if you haven’t noticed it’s annoying as fuck. They usually miss so it’s no biggie. Basically you have to get out of the guard’s perif. (shown by a colored circle in your mini map) and find a place to hide like a pile of hay, on a bench with people on it, or a rooftop hut…thing. You will also get other missions around town. They aren’t necessary, but it’s good to do. For example there are helpless people being tormented by guards. You can just go on in and ASSassinate them right away. Another thing worth mentioning is that you will have a map for every place you visit. The map will only show a small amount at first, but you can uncover more of it by finding
“leap of faith” areas. They are large towers with an eagle circling it (don’t worry there is a map marker and shows you all the leap of faith areas so you don’t have to look). When you find one, climb to the tippy top and you press Y (or triangle depending on what system you have in this case I have an xbox so I’ll just follow those button terms. PS3 players will get the jist) Altair will look around you uncover more of your map. Then you jump! :D it’s okay. Somehow magical hay protects you completely. And yes you may jizz from Altair’s jump. It’s hot. Mmmmmm. Well basically the platforming of the game is kinda mean to you sometimes, but they really fixed it up in AC2.

Graphics and Sound
Meh. Pretty good. You know me. I don’t really give. When you view the area on a leap of faith point it’s pretty breath taking, but after awhile it kinda gets old :/ oh well. What do you expect? Sound? Once again - I don’t give. It’s just kinda…sound. Nothing special. No awesome music (that I remember. Hey it’s been awhile). Uhh there are some majorly glitchly graphics at some points, but I’m assuming (and hoping) you guys aren’t graphics freaks. Nothing special about this section at all. Time to go on.


Difficulty
I never really paid attention. I never thought the game was all that tricky, but there are those frustrating points where the mission may take a few times. Once again nothing much to cover here. Just depends on what kind of mission your doing and how many enemies you have to take on (if you take on any)


Conclusion
AC is a game. It of course has flaws, but I think the flaws of the game were easy to over come and rise against it. AC is definitely a game to put in your library, or hey don’t wanna spend the money? Borrow it! ASSassins Creed is as you can tell an incredibly sexy game. I assure you will jizz.
Okay in all seriousness - it’s a fun game and can really keep a person occupied, so go out! Show your inner Assassin my dear viewers!

Extra
One more thing I forgot. For the
ladies >:3
I will be under construction of a fanfic. Mhmm obby. Be excited! Basically it wont make sense, but hell ik you won’t care!
Altair and Ezio are living together in some weird hotel or something
(yes. I know that is 2000% impossible!) and it’ll just be about them living together. So some hot stuff goin’ down. If you want me to send you it (when I start) just tell me in the comments :3
Or I mean if ur a guy you can ask for it…but that if ur into that stuff…
*coughs*

Well anyway I must be off to go assassina--- I MEAN PET POOR LOST KITTENS! *fake grin* heh heh heh…heh…
o and remeber!
It's Dangerous To Go Alone! xoxo <3

RPGShark - It's Dangerous To Go Alone reviews...Dissidia Final Fantasy!

1 week ago
*Facebook Message*
CupcakeCarnage: Oh no, I can’t do my review cause I won’t be on a computer this weekend
RPGShark (me): No problem, we can just swap schedules for this week.
CupcakeCarnage: Really? Thanks~! <3
RPGShark: Sure, I’ve got lots of time!
Today
RPGShark: Wow, that was a great movie! Great way to end a tiring week of work
Sub-Boss: Yeah, and a great way to end the weekend
RPGShark: Weekend…O_O Oh crap! Review! *Runs*
While This is going on…
LordCynical: I HATE MY PARENTS! RAWR! D=< (his parents kept blowing a fuse out, so no video games for our LordCynical D: ) So sorry for waiting until the last moment to begin this folks, but the recent addition of a job to my life made me completely forget it was my turn till an hour or so ago. I have decided to take on a review of a very popular, yet scarcely played game. This scarcity is due to the fact that the system it appears on is one that few have come to realize its worth. Friends, It’s Dangerous To Go Alone reviews…
DISSIDIA FINAL FANTASY


Story
A rather generic storyline I’m afraid. For countless eons, the two embodiments of Good and Evil, Cosmos and Chaos(Give you two guesses who’s which, first doesn’t count) have been fighting to determine which of their forces is stronger. To do so, each war they bring a variety of heroes/villains from multiple worlds to battle for them. In this embodiment of the war, each side has summoned 10 heroes or villains. Coincidentally, each hero knows 1 of the villains, as they are from the same world.
The start of game begins with Cosmos being weakened, and she requests of her 10 champions to find a crystal each, which they believe will restore her energy and tip the battle in their favor. And thus, Dissidia begins.

Characters
The character lineup for this game is very nicely filled out. Though some of the actual games never had a true ‘main character’, they improvise as thus:
FF 1: Warrior of Light-->Garland
FF 3: Onion Knight-->Cloud of Darkness
In addition, as should be obvious from the story using 10 heroes and villains, each set resides from 1 of the first 10 Final Fantasy games. 1 Hidden character for each side resides in game, with the secret hero being from FF XI, and the villain from FF XII. All in all, a very nice setup.

Gameplay
The games plays as you would expect of a fighting game. In the pause menu you’ll have a chance to browse over a set list of combos you can perform, or just hack-and-slash your way to
victory.
On each level there will occasionally appear a small white bell, which will increase a meter known as the EX Gauge. When the gauge is filled, pushing Square will send your character into EX Mode, which changes their costume and gives them a super move that can 9 times out of 10 win you the match, when properly executed. This execution can span from simply pushing a button rapidly, to properly timing a moving line in between a set spot.
The game can be played in 3 primary ways: Story Mode, Dual Colosseum , and Connection Mode. Story Mode is obvious, you take control of the character of your choice and play through 4-5 levels of fights to obtain their respective crystal. Dual Colosseum is where you can pick a character, be it good or bad, and battle to earn money. Connection Mode is the most intriguing of the three, as it allows you to battle other people who own the game online, testing your actual skills in battle.

Graphics
Now, when you see this picture, you would think the graphics in this game would pretty frickin’
amazing, right?
Sadly, this photo is merely from the opening cutscene, which on it’s own is pretty awesome but hides the true nature of the game’s graphics. When compared to Square Enix’s most recent projects such as Final Fantasy XIII, the graphics(As truly seen above in the battle pic) pale in comparison. Still, they are rather good in their own right.

Music
Now this is one aspect where the game truly shines. Outside of a few, yet still impressive, original tracks, most of the game’s music is derived and enhanced from the 10 games that the playable character’s come from. And trust me when I say this. Watching Kefka kick Sephiroth’s ass while One Winged Angel plays in the background, is so awesome it can’t even be properly described with words.

Conclusion
Is this game great? Yes. Is it the #1 game on the system? No. That spot is taken by Crisis Core(Which will be covered in a future review) If you were to ever get a PSP, I would highly recommend this game be played, it doesn’t matter if you play because you’re a fan of Final Fantasy, or if you just want to see Sephiroth shirtless. Either play, the game is great.

Now, I’m off to ponder the fact that the names of all heroes in this game(Outside of the ones whose names are titles or classes) are less than 7 letters. And remember,
It’s Dangerous to Go Alone!


SubBoss - It's Dangerous To Go Alone reviews... The Conduit!

Bonjour, everyone! After having faced down a horde of zombie mimes (a scarring experience, let me tell you), I shall now return to take my rightful place upon the throne of criticdom. Any HUZZAHS?

Now, regular viewers of this column may have noticed the pattern that most of our reviews thus far have been, to some degree, positive. This shouldn't really be a surprise, but if it is, let me clarify- we tend to play games that we enjoy, as spending $50-60 on something you dont enjoy is generally a bad move in most cultures. We like to point out what the best landmarks are in that great sea of Video Gaming so that our passengers don't end up cold and lost without so much as a towel to their names. But, some of us need more guidance than that- just ask the captain of the Titanic. Some people love a good bile-gushing rip on a certain title in order to steer clear of that pretty, sparkly iceberg of disappointment dead ahead. Well, fasten your seatbelts, children, as we embark on a voyage into the often-tapped waters of disappointment. Today,
It's Dangerous To Go Alone teaches the much needed class of How Not To Make A Hardcore Wii Game in our review of... The Conduit!


Story
The Conduit's story has all the great emotional depth and riveting characterization that most First Person Shooters (see, FPS!) that don't start with Bio- and end with -Shock have. Aliens invade Washington, DC, and you, protagonist Mr. Ford, are THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP THEM. WITH YOUR GUN. Prior to the invasion, Mr. Ford, a Secret Service agent, is contacted by a mysterious man under the codename of John Adams (Ford? Adams? Oh ho, I see what you did there!). Adams, said to be working with a mysterious organization know as The Trust, assigns Ford to the task of finding a terrorist known only as Prometheus. After going to Prometheus's base and taking the prized "All-Seeing-Eye" (that glowing ball in Ford's hand on the cover), shit hits the fan when aliens start dropping into Washington, DC and razing the place. Ford has to fight the aliens and uncover the truth of what's going on. Unfortunately, the presentation of said narrative is inexplicably handled by a scene before every narrative where a little picture of Ford and a little picture of whoever he's talking to appear on a computer screen, and the two talk through text. Seriously. There are no cutscenes, motion capture, or any sort of actual dramatic flair- just two people essentially emailing one another for every scene. And the story itself is riddled with more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese in a room with Dick Cheney. Why are you THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP THEM? When you're walking down the streets or inside a building, there are literally no people except you and the enemies. Where the hell did everyone in the highly populated Washington, DC even go? And where the hell are the military? Chasing effing butterflies in their tanks? To say nothing of the fact that the aliens seem more determined to just chase you through every major landmark in the DC area than actually do anything of any strategic value. This mangling of a narrative is a shame considering that there actually is a somewhat unique script under all this, you just won't ever see more than a glimpse of it behind the filter of pure stupid placed in front of your eyes by the presentation of it.

Gameplay
Gameplay in The Conduit is what you might expect- Walk through a level, point gun at mean person, pull trigger, person go boom, repeat. But, you see, it's on the Wii now! So it's different! In this case, you point the Wiimote at the screen and aim by moving the cursor in correspondance with your gun. Sounds great in theory, right? Especially since Metroid Prime 3 did the Wiimote aiming thing damn near perfectly?Well, theory can go jump out of a physicist's bathroom window. The Wiimote differs from most aiming styles in several ways- 1. It's fat and clunky for this sort of thing. 2. It's constant reliance on the sensor bar greatly hampers your abiltiy to precisely move where you want to go. 3. The cursor itself is too big to precisely aim. and 4. The game sometimes throws temper tantrums and doesn't want you to do anything that would cause it stress. For example, turning requires you to move the Wiimote towards the edge of the screen , making the aiming cursor move closer to the edge and turning Ford to keep up with it. But wait- pointing the Wiimote that far away from the sensor is apparently a no-no! The game will sometimes lose track of the Wiimote while you're trying to turn, freezing you in place and allowing that space monster right next to you to have an unexpectedly easy munchie session. Looking up can be difficult at times too, which is REALLY annoying when there's an enemy spawner on the roof that you just can't get at. And don't even talk about the pathetically stupid system of flicking the nunchuck to throw grenades. I can relate numerous occasions where an innocent in-game bookcase or table had its day suddenly interrupted by the fact that the game read my slight adjustment of hand position as GRENADE TIME! WOOT! I will say that the game does allow you to customize the sensitivty and setup of the controls, but the fact that most of the worst settings are the default ones does not make me a happy camper. One second for a compliment- the game does indeed have an interesting selection of weaponry, populated with guns that are original and quite cool. Compliment second over. The game's unique feature, other than the Wiimote flail aiming, is the All-Seeing-Eye, which acts as a hyper-advanced flashlight that allows you to find hidden symbols and messages, crack codes, and turn invisible things visible. It's actually a fairly cool piece of equipment that I wish that they had allowed more usage of, but it has one major design flaw. Whenever you get close to a hidden object, the machine starts emitting an increasingly loud BE-DEEP! BE-DEEP! as you get closer. Now, imagine standing in a room with one of those hidden things in it, but your attention is slightly diverted by the fact that you're in the middle of a firefight. The thing goes BE-DEEP! BE-DEEP! BE-DEEP! until you want to throw it out the nearest window. The gameplay in the Conduit ranges from mediocre to just plain awful, and when placed next to other shooters (even those I don't like) it tries to hard to be like the big boys and falls flat on its face.

Level and Enemy Design
Oh, God. I thought they didn't make games with this horrendous level design anymore. Level design in this game ranges from just meh to "Oh my God, I've walked through this same stretch of corridor 5 times already in this level." Each mission takes place in a different part of Washington, DC, but aside from recognizable rooms like the Library of Congress that pop up now and again, you really wouldn't be able to tell. You progress through gray corridor after gray corridor after white corridor after stairwell (ooh, bold choice! An effing stairwell!) with the occasional bigger room meant for firefights and cover. it gets so repetitive after a while that you'll be desperately looking for hidden objects, as those are the only noticeable difference between certain areas. Absolutely nothing in the game is even slightly destructable, either, so you can have the interesting experience of pouring gunfire into a bookshelf and watching absolutely no damage occur. Even worse than the level design is the enemy design. Throughout the course of your adventure, you will encounter several hundred clones of- guys in suits, guys in suits with headpieces, little alien crabs, and
these guys.
Get used to seeing them, cause you fight approximately 1000 identical copies of these guys throughout the game. If you think they look at all cool right now, just wait until you've seen as many of these as I did without any difference whatsover between enemy. You get so sick of them and just get bored with shooting them. Even the "bosses" are a total joke, as they're just the same boring fight against a big beetle tank thing repeated 3 times, with the intricate strategy of *shoot at it until it dies.* Someone on the design team must have gotten really lazy making this.

Graphics
One of the Conduit's claims to fame is that it has a graphics engine designed to emulate those of the 360 and PS3 in quality and frame rate. I'll wait until you're finished laughing at that sentence. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to attempt to make a Wii game be judged by the same standards as the 360 and PS3? One of the reasons that the Wii succeds at all is that it goes off and does its own thing entirely seperate from the other two giants, which occasionally produces unique masterpieces like Super Mario Galaxy. The Wii always looks its best when producing vibrant, colorful graphics (Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros Brawl) or cel-shaded graphics (No More Heroes, Okami). Realism is not the Wii's strong suit, and while the Conduit does look pretty sometimes, at other times the Wii shows off its limits. At one point right after going into a building after seeing a great-looking water effect outside the Jefferson Memorial, I looked out a window only to find what looked like a 2-D painting of the outside city that was hung up outside the window to attempt to convince me that I was looking out the window. Hah hah. Funny. Wii graphics should not purposely be made to emulate 360 and PS3 graphics, as that only highlights the Wii's weaknesses.

Difficulty
The Conduit has a widly uneven difficulty curve. The hardest part of the game occurs only a few levels in, and from then on the levels swing wildly from absolute cakewalks to massive firefights. The game can;t seem to make up it's mind about how hard it wants to be, culminating in an easy final battle and incredibly lackluster ending. Thanks for your hardcore support.

Multiplayer
Ahh, the biggest sore spot for me. See, I initally bought the Conduit for the main reason that, at the time, the Wii was my only next-gen console, and I wanted a multiplayer FPS that I could bring out when my friends were over and have some fun shooting one another. So I brought the game home, popped in the disc, and started it up, only to find... there was no local split-screen multiplayer, only the online multiplayer. What the hell? The lack of a local multiplayer greatly hurts what potential the game might have had and defied my usual understanding of how shooters are supposed to work. But hey, that might be forgiveable if the online is good, right? So, a while later after I actually got a wireless router, i sat down to test out the online multiplayer. I logged in on Nintendo Wi-Fi and waiting for the server to connect me to an available game. And waited... and waited... I literally had to try around 5 times before the server would even find a game for me (not saying there weren't enough people on to get a game, saying that the connection failed to connect to any of them). I was even kicked out of the first game that I actually found due to a "connection error." When I actually did get online into a game, I found a decent online multiplayer with some interesting modes that was greatly hampered by Nintendo Wi-Fi's continual screwups and delays. Sega, clearly the Wii can do good online, Monster Hunter Tri did it just fine. Why can't you? You might enjoy the multiplayer, if you can tolerate the crappy connection, mysteriously stupid friend system that's a lot more complicated than need be, and a total lack of just being able to pal around with your friends on one TV.

Conclusion
You might be surprised to learn after this that, before its release, I was actually really excited for the Conduit. It was a major, high-profile hardcore release for the Wii, something we see less and less of nowadays, and it looked like it had potential. The final product, however, wasted it's potential trying to be "Halo for Wii" and fell flat on its face. A horribly presented story, fiddly and unintuitve gameplay, horrendously repetitive design, and lack of an easy-to-use multiplayer come together to create an experience that simply doesnt measure up. The only reason that the game was even considered by many was because it was for the Wii, a console with few shooters and few hardcore games. The Conduit is definately not the worst game I've ever played, but I can honestly say it was the biggest disappointment of my gaming career. Save your money and go elsewhere, there's not much value in looking into this particular title. So much potential was utterly wasted by boneheaded decisions.

I'm off to go tell the military to be ready for aliens next time. Remember,
It's Dangerous To Go Alone!